


Just the Nature of My Game

by Zoya1416



Category: Good Omens
Genre: Company Slogans, Gen, Hassles, Humor, Mission Statements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 19:52:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8222884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya1416/pseuds/Zoya1416
Summary: Crowley's amusing himself with his corporate image.





	

“Hassles have been defined as the 'irritating, frustrating, distressing demands and troubled relationships that plague us day in and day out.'”

Crowley had seen this sentence once in a self-help book.*

* An industry he hadn't founded, but wished he had. What could be more annoying than the touting of the newest books, especially on American “news” shows?)

Once he'd seen it, he'd adopted it as something he could use to explain to his superiors the plans he favored for damning mankind. Small scale misery, carried out on a multitude who would then carry it on to the next person, paying it forward, as it were. ** He mentally snagged it as his corporate mission statement—an irritation he _had_ invented. So what would be his company slogan? (Ditto invention). “Hassles are our business—our only business.” Mmm—not actually true. “Born to hassle.” Also not true because he hadn't been born. “Created to Hassle” was not the same, and also not true. He'd been created to tempt humanity to damnation. He had invented the hassling all by himself.

**An expression he hated, as who could pay it backward?

He wrote in a fine hand: “Pleased to meet you—hope you guess my name, 'cause hassling you is the nature of the game,” then hastily scratched out the words and burned the page, because—someone—would take exception, if he was found out. Down Below was certainly keeping record of the number of times the song was played. After all, it was adjuring humans to exhibit sympathy for, well, the old firm. They would not look kindly on his reinterpretation of long-enjoyed lyrics. He snapped some company cards into life, amusing himself with variations of “Anthony Crowley, have hassle will travel.” "The Master Hassler."

He never wore T-shirts, even all-black one, and especially would never have been seen in one with words on it, but just this once he made an exception. The next time he visited Aziraphale, he wore a long tee with his suit, stating “Hassles R Us.” It was worth it to see the angel's reaction. It was even more worth it when he handed Aziraphale his own tee, a white one proclaiming, “See wile, will thwart.” In tartan.

**Author's Note:**

> The quote is associated with Dr. Richard Lazarus.
> 
> sous-le-saule made a cartoon!
> 
> http://sous-le-saule.tumblr.com/post/151465448872/httpsarchiveofourownorgworks8222884


End file.
